Self Abuse

A relationship gets to a point of abuse when one is doing something to please the other entirely. Sometimes, I lapse into that. It is very unlike me to do something I don't want to. I thought about it today and it made me sad, really quite sad. That I allow myself to be treated not exactly like shit but well.. Yes Like shit since no one deserves anything less than what she thinks she deserves. There's something about it that draws me though. That makes me want to do it. I don't know why and sometimes, I wish I wasn't that way- that will make me so so sad. I don't find it appropriate to talk about but I do find it normal. I need to expand my circle of "friends" and drink. I think I need distractions and a hook up. I need something new, damn it.

Anyway, my mom just got home and my dad is coming back in the morning.
I brace myself for the best.