Insensatez ( How Insensitive )

By Wes Montgomery

"Anyone can die for their idea, It, anyone. I can even stick a fucking stick right into my body to prove you wrong right now. So when you tell me that you're going to cut your hand to prove something. It means nothing to me."

"Well that's cause you cut yourself"

( How Insensitive to even bring up that idea in the first place )

I cried for someone else today and felt this rush of warmth.

Buying me with your words, with "sacrifices" as if I deserve to accept dog shit because I deserve less than dog shit. Buying me with words. Words, words, words that mean nothing. Nothing. Purchasing me with "sacrifices", how am I different from a hooker I say. It sat there in silence, looked down, sighed and looked at me in the end.

Looking into your eyes that are empty. A staring game, I am good at, I am not as dimwitted to believe anything that comes out of it's mouth just because it looks into my eyes. I am not that foolish and words words words, puppy eyes, a strong gaze that makes me want to roll away.

A game, just a game. Does it make you not who you are just because you are aware of what you are doing? Just because you have a choice and you made a choice, does it make you more mature? The choice is made and you live with it. At least you have a choice, you said, but does it mean shit when you still make the foolish choice. No, not foolish, just a choice.

Dimwit, dimwit, dimwit.

A hope that cannot be pushed no further, I hand it over to your hands. It must take responsibility for the shit it does, at least once in its life. No more mummy holding you back, be that bad boy, be that slut, be that extremely nice guy, be the extreme you claim you are. No more mummy to hold you back, go on, take your first baby step to responsibility.

It is in your hands now, you make the choice, I have made too many for you and I am too tired, just too tired. I will push till I can't. I know that everyone is an individual, it must realise that. It must realise there will never be anyone else there like who I am, then will only it make the right decision. Awareness.

Econz exam on tuesday. I still have about 4 more chapters to study but I don't wanna. I just want to smoke. I have been drinking too much and perhaps consuming too much vices.
One week of holiday has passed and I have not even breathed.

Happy birthday Charis <3