Hello

I'm still alive and kicking. I watched Let the right one in 2 nights ago. Have been consuming perhaps more alcohol than water. Too much smoke too. That is why I went for a run just now.
I've been feeling out of sorts for the past month and it is due to a certain someone that constitutes/ed to a bit of my happiness. Somehow that person pryed its way in. Yes, no gender identity that persons got.

Anyway, I know I should ignore the person yada yada. Because I should not give in and not let it have the "power". That it should get what it deserves. But I'm going to actually try to do something about it this time. I've never been the girl who believed in changing people because I believe people should not be changed. That they cannot be changed. But today, I finally penned down my thoughts and realised how people should not be oblivious to the fact that they're an asshole, and go by life thinking what they do is right. That if I can somehow change its mind and let it look at itself for a moment, I've done my part. No I'm not going to wait for it to somehow reciprocate some love. This won't even work out if there is no love to begin with. If I have become that psycho clingy bitchy typical some kinda ex something, this will not work out. It must be able to listen. And why am I doing this? Because I see some sorta hope in it. Not hope that someday it'll be with me. But that it will change for the better, that it will finally match up to what it says. That it will become the claims it claims it is, that being a nice it/pet (mahahaha)

Clearly the above paragraph made little or no sense to an outside who does not know the situation. I'll give it one last shot, No I'm not going to run back to it and let it treat me like crap again. But somehow, let it realise its loopholes. YOU ARE NOT AS CERTAIN AS YOU THINK YOU ARE. When I say one last shot, I literally mean one huge powered pack shot. I know I've done what I can and that is truly it. I must not fall for corny lines or apologies. That is the danger. ( omg I make myself sound so noble? ew)