Difficulty

It is what you have done that makes me think that everything is...
You should not have been that hopeful when you are barely even hopeful now.
Well, fuck this shit. Confusion makes me want to vomit blood.
It makes me want to drop out and say goodbye. Because at the end of the day, I ask myself. What do I want? Do I really want this?
No because I don't want to be in this perpetual uneasy state. I don't like the fact that you are constantly disappointing and that you are barely even there.
The question is, what is the point?
If you had not given me so much hope, I would not be in this rather uneasy state. This state of unrest. But I am rather okay, it is just this perpetual state whereby I am no longer just thinking about what I want to do. It is this state that makes me feel you have crossed something subconciously.
But hold up! I just hate waiting around in this place that is neither heaven or hell- what is the name to it?
I am okay and yes, I realised I sound so damn self centred above.
Need to party soon, drinking again this friday.

On a shittier note, my friends, Eme, C, E, Vic are going to BKK this coming saturday. So now I have no plans. No plans, fuck.