What I really want

I really want to live in Australia or somewhere really nice, far away from everyone else and concentrate on the things I really want to do in this life.
I want to paint, I want to draw, I want to write, I want to create music.
I think it's time for my piano pieces to have lyrics in them.
I need to be less afraid of the "what ifs". - something I feel, that is inevitable.-
I don't know how people can work together to produce music, I'm just so fearful that it turns out different from expected.
I met M on Friday and she told me about this scholarship which only 2 students below the age of 30 are able to get.
The first year, you get to live in Japan and learn Japanese.
The next three years you learn about animation, designing etc.
If I'm not wrong there's also an extra sum of money given to you to shop and survive in Japan.
I'm gonna find out more about it and of course tell Adria.
( zomg, Em's sister told me that Adria was one of the few that scored 100/100 for the Art O level paper)

Anyway, I spent my Friday night/ Saturday early morning with M, Gen, Cw, Geri, Van, Cheez, Donn, Sarah, Ade and some other people.
We were at home club, playing truth or dare and opened bottle.
Went home, vomiting twice into 2 different plastic bags.
Met Em the next day for chomp chomp, she also suffered from severe hang over, I didn't
Anyway, I find JC life very unfulfilling.
I find my life very unfulfilling.
I wish things weren't so rush and that I had time to think, I want to take a year off but for sure, my dad won't approve.
Get freaking JC over and done with, he'd say.
I don't like my scatterbrain art teacher, I don't like her at all. If I really had to force myself to like her, I think I can only manage to come up with 10 reasons to like her at 90 to not like her. I don't know why but she annoys me, not in the Ms Gan kind of way but in a professor Umbridge from Harry Potter kind of way.
Plus, she looks like the Asian version of Professor Umbridge.
Anyway, I've realised that I'm growing old and it's really worrying me.
Really really worrying me.
I'm already 17 and I can't help but compare it to my sisters life at that time.
When she was 17, she was already sleeping around with men and giving me (at that time 12) money.
I guess, I'll never really be satisfied with where I'm at.

A few things I must must MUST, do this year ( It's a bit late for new year resolutions but at least mine are achievable unlike Saegor's (i.e: Quit smoking, stop fucking people up, stop fucking myself up- all of which, I feel is inevitable.))
1. Renovate my room ( so that it'll be a fantastically conducive environment for the creative mind to work! Haha, no, just to make it less cluttered)
2. Paint more than ever. Starting with the UOB competition which is due next week, which I've not started on because I've no canvas.
3. Complete my songs.
4. Start on the comic

I really want success and I can smell a faint scent of it.