I am selfish

Right now, all I want to do is lie down with you, switch on the tv and watch Greys Anatomy Season 1. I want to snack and enjoy your company like the past while we spend quality time with each other. We'll do the usual, I'll slap you if a funny part comes on and I'll lean away from you during the dramatic moments. My couch, what can I do without you? My girl thinks I'm selfish for saying "i want i want i want" countless times, unaware that I'm trying to make her feel loved.
I'm oblivious, I know not that demanding for her and her not able to stay over (for obvious reasons which im clearly aware of but I still persist on saying "i want" just for the heck of it. Maybe in a way trying to act cute but failing miserably. Maybe trying to show her how much I need her but also failing miserably.) makes me selfish.
Like the kid demanding fir the lollipop, I Am S e l f i s h.
Just because "i want things to go my way" all the time.
I came across crude and insensitive and it makes me wonder if she thinks that she's not. But clearly, I'm more insensitive since Im the one with the hectic life while she's in her bahamas(?). I'm the one with the demands while shes contented with anything.
With my presence or not.
She'll say fine, I already said that I love you, what more do you want?
I dont know, good question, a very good one which I actually hope she has the answer for.
Maybe its attention, maybe its something else. But arent lovers suppose to fill that question, to solve your unknown r/s problems that you cant.
"its my way of saying I want you"
And nothing else, nothing came back to hit me. To bruise me. Countless apologies and thats all.
Theres nothing more and I'm not asking for anything more or maybe I am.
I dont know what I want or rather I dont dare to say what I want or I'll be selfish.
Out of your holidays there was not once you came down to spare 5 min for me.
Would i have done things differently? Yes.
I wouldve popped by even if you are busy with your work, just to pass you your lunch. Thats if Im having my holidays.
But no, I must be patient, I must wait till friday. Theres no such things as surprises because it was never part iof the deal Shes just not an impulsuve person when it comes to this, but sure as hell is able to go out with her friends on impulse, just because they initiate it, or else nothing. nothing at all.
I must get used to it. And if you dont do such things then clearly you too don't expect such things to be done to you, thats why you're never disappointed unless Im being selfish or "emo".
You'll feel like I'm always made out to be the victim while youre the bad person.
But you're not.
Its you who's the victim.
The one who has to tolerate me and my "emo" msgs and my "iwant" and my whole fugly personality.

I love you, thats it nothing more. That will solve all our problems.

nothing just don't say nothing.
I'm not upset, I'm going to Greys now.

I'm back again to say that I had a good lunch with Ann.
Shes an amazing friend and we went t hair exchange to get her hair cut.
I went back to school for art. And I returned home to find my brother, yet again, in my room.